SEVEN THINGS TO CHECK OUT BEFORE SAYING, ‘YES,’ TO HIM/HER

♥ I’m OK, He’s OK, We’re OK! ♥

(Five years ago, I wrote a mini-blog -‘‘Things young girls should keep in mind prior to saying, ‘Yes.’”- on my LinkedIn page. It was serious content in a lighter vein. Not an exact reproduction, but it ran on similar lines as below 😊

A few years after saying the seven vows around the sacred fire/walking down the aisle, haven’t most of us women thought at some point or the other, “Had I been aware of this fact about him earlier, maybe, I wouldn’t have said ‘yes’ to him”?

In this digital age, young adults make and break relationships in minutes; most people date, marry, and divorce via apps same way as they move in and out of app-based rental accommodations. Hardly anyone thinks long-term and once short-term benefits seize or dip below expectations, they walk out. That doesn’t mean every online/offline relationship ends in disaster. Many find their life partner through social media and remain blissfully happy.

A tech-savvy young girl fed on romantic web series and movies on various OTT platforms may start dating with probably no/too much expectation/s or just on a whim; she could just be doing it for want of a sexual partner without any encumbrance. Log into one of those many dating apps online and whoosh, you have that “perfect,” partner. It may end as quickly as it started or bloom into a lifelong partnership.

GIRLS are GIRLS.

After being with a man for some time, the girl may feel that HE is the right person with whom she wants to spend the rest of her life. She could well be dreaming of settling down with him and couldn’t wait for him to ask. She may think that she knows him just too well to go wrong; however, before taking the final plunge, don’t forget to check on following seven things about him. These may seem trivial but could change the course of a couple’s married life (for the 0better).

1. Courtesy: Observe your man. He may be totally devoted to the girl of his dreams. But, is he courteous with the rest of the world? Is his good behavior restricted only to you? Keep an eye on how he deals with that clumsy waiter in a restaurant or a taxi driver. Is he gracious in general to shopkeepers and others in public? It’s a definitive indicator of his future conduct at home.

2. Roving Eyes: There is an abundance of testosterone in the man as compared to the estrogen in the woman. Watch out for his roving eyes. Are his eyes lingering on other women just in passing or more than necessary? This may validate the general belief, “Man is polygamous by nature.”

3. Beauty: Beauty is skin-deep. Don’t expect his dark and handsome or fair and muscular looks to last forever just as your smooth-as-silk skin and hair won’t. The best way to see how the man would look 30 years down the line is to have a closer look at his parents.

NOTE: (I dare not say looks will fade with time.  Today, a few surgeries can make you look 20 forever. However, those treatments could cause deep dent to your pockets 😁😁.)

4. Common areas of Interest: Check for areas of interest and hobbies that both enjoy. The more the number of common interests, the happier the couple is going to be.

5. Alcohol: Is he a social drinker or is he looking at every opportunity as an excuse to guzzle down a few pegs? Be wary of such a man.

6. Family upbringing: Try and understand his family. Family upbringing plays a major role in a man’s behavior towards his wife and other women. SPOILT MALE MEMBER: Is he treated differently at home? Is he entitled to special privileges and rights compared to his sister/s? There is every chance that such a boy would turn out to be a male chauvinist.

7. Love and Sex: Finally, BEWARE! In general, men ‘offer’ love to receive sex and women may ‘offer/agree to offer,’ sex to receive love! Do not fall in that trap. Before saying “yes,” ensure there is mutual, long-lasting love and compatibility.

So, watch before you leap, girls!

Some of the readers, then, asked me why did I not include important things like economic status, intelligence, and education. I think, when it comes to settling down, a girl is smart enough to choose someone with good educational background and intelligence. There are a few who err there, and no advise is good enough for such people.

Economic Status

This pointer applies to both the man and the woman in equal measures. We still tend to consider man as the main breadwinner though many a women earn equal to or more than their male counterparts. Marriage based on equal/lower/higher economic status is individual choice and can’t be the main criterion.  One shouldn’t marry a pauper just for the sake of love as love alone won’t feed, clothe or shelter. Most of the times, girls and boys relish the idea of marrying a wealthier better half so as to enjoy the material benefits they missed out until then.

Economic calculations can be tricky here. One may marry a partner of hand-to-mouth existence today, and he/she may rise to become the owner of a Unicorn company, or one can marry into wealth and end up having nothing. That depends on the couple’s collective financial wisdom and, of course, a little bit of lady luck.

Another reader asked me to write a few points that a MAN should keep in mind when deciding on his girl.

MEN tend to be MEN

When it comes to selecting their partners, boys tend to be less mature during early adulthood, and this immaturity might cloud their decisions. They fall either for the first girl who looks at him and smiles inadvertently or head-over-heels in love with the prettiest one around. With the prerequisite to brag about his girlfriend (friends’ envy and owner’s pride) and their (mis)adventures, they lose sight of how to go about keeping their affair private.

Of course, gone are the days of befriending the younger sibling of the girl and passing a passionate note through him/her, or throwing a love note rolled in a stone while passing her front gate.😂 Tech-savvy lovers know how to create most romantic (with more of sexual innuendos and emoticons 💗💔💋???) messages through google search engine. However, consider these few points before going all the way.

  DOs

1. Try to understand her. What does she look for in a man of her dreams? Observe her when she is with you. Is she talking about another man more often than required – an ex-boyfriend or an office colleague? Does she try changing the way you dress up, eat, or talk? Prior to surprising her with that expensive diamond ring in a glass of Champagne, or going down on your knees, check if she is ready to accept you AS YOU ARE. A few mutual changes are inevitable from both sides; barring that, if correcting you is becoming a habit of hers, it’s not too late to back out.  
2. Is she ready to go Dutch when you both are out at an expensive restaurant, or is it simply flashing her credit card and waiting for you to swipe yours before her? When both the partners are earning, learning to share expenses should be welcomed.  
3. Get to know her likes/dislikes, interests, future plans, similarities and differences and discuss how much both are willing to adjust.

DON’Ts

1. Don’t try to impress her by being the nicest guy in town; you may not be able to sustain it for long.
2. if you can’t keep it up, don’t take her to expensive restaurants flashing different credit cards. She may take it for granted.
3. Don’t load her with too many lavish gifts; it will be expected every time.
4. Don’t take her out for a ride in your best friend’s Merc or Audi when you don’t even own a hatchback Maruti. She would dump you the moment she realizes it.
5. Don’t be hellbent on creating that first impression on her, “Wow, do men like this exist?” Such first impressions are difficult to sustain, and your fall from grace would be sooner and steeper.
6. Don’t judge a girl by her clothes and her external appearance. Nowadays, it’s easy to maintain an ageless look and stain-free body for years to come but not a stain-free mind. So, get to know the real HER.
7. Say, ‘bye,’ to her at the earliest, if she hesitates to introduce you to her friends and relatives even after being together for long. Man or Woman, Digital or Physical union, the involved parties should enter into the holy alliance after giving a serious thought to the preparedness for a lifetime of commitment. Post that, things could work out well and the couple could live ‘happily ever after.’ Sometimes, in spite of best efforts from both, due to events beyond one’s control, life together may take a turn for the worse. Under such circumstances, one shouldn’t look back, repent, or blame each other. Try to sort things out as best as you can – adjust, understand, COMMUNICATE, seek counsel – if things are still beyond repair, simply let go.

WEDDING BELLS WILL SOON BE RINGING FOR MANY!